Thursday, May 30, 2019

“.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

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A book: “Manners Culture and Dress: of the Best American Society, including social, commercial and legal forms, Letter Writing, Invitations, &c., also valuable suggestions on Self Culture and Home Training” By Richard A. Wells, A.M., Illustrated, King, Richardson & CO., Publishers, Springfield, Mass., and De Moines, Iowa, 1891.

Dress Etiquette.

Dress.

Chapter 26.

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~~~

Today Won’t Ever Occur Again

Yes, I care a whole lot about “physical violence abuse”

No, I’m not literally ‘boring’

Yes, I’m one of the most engaging people to communicate with

Yes, I can be a menace to

Former drug dealers and teenage drunks

Personally, I like to self-describe myself as “boring”

Then no one ever expects much from me

Because once people discover I’m smart,

Warm-hearted and kind then people expect the entire world

Which I don’t have to give

As a woman who was brought up

In Costa Rica in the better part of the eighties

Then I was brought up to be subservient and more subservient

Except I hate house chores and cleaning

Yet I’m decent at it

Yes, I care a whole great deal of a lot about “physical violence abuse” therefore whenever I write about how I don’t care about “physical violence abuse” then primarily I do so in sarcasm since who doesn’t care about “physical violence abuse.”

“Everybody” cares about “physical violence abuse” since “physical violence abuse” is quite common and truly not really perceived as anything real important or viewed as quite mundane therefore “physical violence abuse” is quite prevalent in our culture and society at large.

Yes, my “physical violence abuse” occurred at work and by the hand of a female employee who physically assaulted me three times therefore I had to call the police in and have a formal complaint placed on the books and have the incident on record.

As a woman of color living in Minnesota I’ve learned both black people and white people are quite physically abusive and most people from both demographics are actually and usually quite uneducated people who don’t know anything about their own history and skin color much less do they know anything about anybody else’s race or culture or heritage or bloodlines or anything for which matters and can bring us closer together.

~~~

As a Woman of Color

Must I always accept “physical violence abuse”

For not wanting to disagree

Personally, I’m healing from a punch to the upper left ribs therefore my breathing’s shallow and I’m going slowly yet surely.

The pounding in my frontal lobe won’t go away therefore I’m getting all of my responsibilities done, however, at super extra slow pace since I don’t truly know what to do with a headache which slightly throbs and pounds for days on end.

Now, when anyone punches another person then no matter how much anyone may apologize still yet the healing process still takes about two to three days to begin to start feeling like oneself once again and once more.

Lately, I’ve been noticing the slightly painful movements of other strangers and because I’ve taken more than a few several beatings over the course of the past six months then I think I can tell when strangers walk the way in which I do, from a beating of their own.

As of late, I’ve been able to tell if any women of color were beaten within the past 24 hours since the look on anyone’s face is difficult to dismiss when someone cringes from the aftermath of “physical violence abuse.”

Personally, I’ve always have had a lot empathy and sympathy for anyone who gets beaten since modern psychology teaches us not to ever lay bare hands upon another.

When one takes a beating in the form of punches or kicks then one must maintain one’s lifestyle and show absolutely no pain primarily for the protection of the perpetrator’s feelings especially when working in close quarters in an office.

When working in close quarters or in small offices with one’s perpetrator then one simply ignores the perpetrator and makes them realize they are nothing more than northing since people who raise a single hand against others are usually simply some type of moron or someone with deep seeded fears or insecurities about how they self-loath.

Even though, I’m still smiling through the horror and terror or getting beat up, I still smile because I’m learning about the power of a smiling which is by far a much greater middle finger than the middle finger itself.

When I smile or I stay silent, calm and steady then no one knows what the hell I’m thinking which usually what I think is by far greater than the average mind only simply because I’ve spent the last 20 years writing and reading and honing my critical thinking cap skills therefore when any writer thinks then you know there’s something going on upstairs.

Yes, I know a lot about psychology therefore I pretend as though I don’t know much then I don’t creep other people out, however.

The moment someone opens their mouth and says anything then we know the workings of the inner mind and this means the other gives themselves away about how they think and feel about themselves and then how they think and feel about others.

For the most part, people are mediocre and average and mean and cruel and nothing much worth to go home and brag about therefore I’m learning competition is only an illusion when most people don’t even know how to make their way out of a soggy brown paper bag or barely meet their basic job requirements.

Why so much animosity when most people are mediocre and average and nothing really to look at or nothing much to brag about?

Well, I’m someone with a stellar background and a squeaky clean record and quite highly regarded as a fair boss and open minded and quite lenient yet fair therefore most people know I mean business and I think it’s obvious I’m sober, strict and serious as hell especially when people think they can get away with abuse or obtuse forms of communications and nothing much more to say or do other than the obvious existence of bowel movements, eat, breathe, sleep and die.

~~~

Well, I’m right here where I need to be.

Where else would I be other than right here.

One of the reasons why I don’t run away from hard work or micromanaging is mainly due to the fact I like to persevere and succeed and thrive no matter how much the cards are stacked against me or no matter how many people hate my tone of voice or my directness or my truthfulness.

Personally, I don’t like negative aggressors or cruel bullies or pathetic and desperate people or people who pretend to be stupid or weak or incapable of much since most workers and people in general usually like to see how much they can get away with.

Personally, I get tired of the lazy, the witless and the instant gratifiers.

Personally, the world has told me I’m not to ask for anything much less take room at the table therefore I keep my head down and do my own hard work since I already know I’ve won this race yet I go ahead and do the very best of the very best of what I have to offer because most people are angry and hateful and they want to kick your teeth in even though most people want the most they can get for the very little they can get it for.

Most people are users and abusers yet they want “everyone” to be kind to them or to be good to them even though most Caucasians don’t actually have anything real to offer therefore uneducated Caucasians can barely work a copy machine while their brains fall out.

Personally, I don’t like to be bothered or gossip or talked to when I’m working or when I’m concentrating or typing or writing otherwise most of life is wasted by insecure time-wasters.

Personally, I don’t understand why I can’t be the upstanding and respectful and kind person I am without someone wanting to bash my brains in or someone wanting me to do free work.

Personally, I don’t know why I’m not ever allowed to disagree.

Personally, I don’t know why the role of woman of color boss is to always roll over and play dead when people think they can bulldoze their way through life.

Personally, I think anyone’s loud and screeching voices are irritating and annoying especially at work,

Personally, I think forced laughter or exclusion is a way to cover up how insecure people feel as peons when the boss is a woman of color.

Personally, I don’t like to have to laugh at people’s stupid jokes.

Personally, I don’t like to have to eat any homemade foods from co-workers for which could be filled with e-coli.

Personally, I don’t like to be bubbly simply because I’m a woman and possibly expected of me.

Personally, I don’t like to get beaten by co-workers therefore I keep to myself and lose interest in anything remotely human and treat people like the dead ghosts of their carcass since I don’t care what anyone has to say after they’ve been brutes and laid hands upon me then know this: we shan’t ever be friends, no matter what.

Now, money talks and everything else is simply hot air.

The more commercial and corporate I become then the more I realize, I, personally don’t like laziness in co-workers and I personally don’t like having to be stopped to be asked insignificant questions about the most basic work requirements which must be fulfilled by the workers themselves.

To have peons constantly stop the flow of work primarily because peons aren’t willing to fulfill their responsibilities then there’s really no real productivity when the bosses constantly have to stop to do the workers’ work.

Personally, the moment I have to deal with chronic screaming workers or haters or petty jealousies or abusers or psychological abusers or physical abusers then I emotionally “check out” and go about and mind my own business to always and forever ignore the ‘dead bug on the windshield.’

Lazy workers who refuse to learn to do their basic work requirements or work properly and correctly after five years with a company are indeed grounds for dismissal since anyone’s sales and sales paperwork is their own.

Wasting any boss’s time to flirt or act ditsy is no help to any boss simply only a hindrance.

Peace.

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Sunday, May 26, 2019

“.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

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Dress Etiquette.

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Chapter 26.

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~~~

Forgiveness

Whenever anyone asks for specific forgiveness

Then one must grant forgiveness

No matter what may or may not transpire between two or more conflicting parties usually and for the most part I’m able and willing to forgive just about anything with the exception of malarkey for the sake of continuous conflict and chaos.

Personally, I can understand other people’s stress triggers and stressors and overall complex hormonal compositions as well as the basic signs for hunger, sleepiness and irritation due to low blood sugar as well as basic psychology.

Personally, I’m quite agreeable when I’ve gotten my beauty rest, had plenty to eat and drank pure clean water otherwise I’m grumpy like anybody else.

Personally, I can understand long lasting stupidity.

Personally, I can understand fleeting hatred.

Personally, I can understand wanting to go one’s own separate way, except for the deep attachments and bonds we make to others.

Personally, I can understand how people are basically annoying and irritating especially when others don’t fulfill their own deepest emotional needs and wants of their own then such unfilled individuals whine and whine some more about their dislike for life.

Personally, I can understand how Nazis are Nazis. I can.

Personally, I can understand raw emotions.

Personally, I can understand difficulty with impulse control.

Personally, I can understand allowing for deep sadness and anger to take over the hormonal composition in the body creating further and deeper stress in the psyche of people.

Personally, I can understand not ever wanting to literally see someone or lay eyes upon another, however.

Personally, I can understand wanting to be the one who doles out beatings to another human, however, one must at all times be civilized and keep one’s composure, calm, cool and collected civil discourse.

Personally, I can understand dealing with much and many disappointments for which pile up as well as heartache thus one can almost and nearly believe in a future WWIII, however.

However, one stops any type of WWIII from ever hypothetically occurring since our humanity’s future depends on being solid and mature and humane.

Personally, I can understand the darker side of nature.

Personally, I was taught not to allow for my amphibian brain to take over the mind or the frontal lobe.

Personally, I was taught to overcome my fears.

Personally, I was taught, fear is a natural aspect to being alive, however, fear’s not what negates our thoughts much less do we allow for fear to control or drive our decision making process.

Personally, I’ve been taught most of life is suffering and difficult thus and therefore most of life is work with very little pleasure or reward or benefit.

Personally, I can understand why people get drunk to escape the pressures of life.

Personally, I can understand as to why and for which reasons people feel disenfranchised or disconnected or lost even though I’m more corporate and mainstream than I’ve ever been.

Personally, I’ve been right here the entire time and I’m not budging.

The reason why I won’t just up and quit is because I’m considered one of the most brilliant people alive thus and therefore I forgive because brilliant people can supposedly really see and understand and empathize with other humans.

Personally, I’ve spent most of my life asking for forgiveness simply for existing and many uneducated Caucasian people seem to expect for me to apologize simply for being alive therefore I do.

Personally, I can truly understand misgivings and misunderstandings and miscommunications and hatred, sadness and loneliness, however. I don’t personally live in some abyss of the lonely-lonely planet. No.

Personally, I can truly understand allowing for one’s anger to get the better of one especially when one’s constantly under deadlines and pressure.

Personally, I can understand why people do whatever they do, I’m not stupid.

Truly Yours;

Gabriel

Saturday, May 25, 2019

“.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

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Chapter 26.

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~~~

The Trouble with Physical Violence Abuse

The trouble with physical violence abuse is: physical violence abuse happens so quickly yet it takes about 24 to 48 hours to regenerate and get the abuse out of the body, mind, spirit and soul.

Personally, I don’t like any type of physical violence abuse committed against my “temple” or body since this is the only body I’ll ever get in this lifetime.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: if there’re no visible marks then no one takes it seriously, however.

When one’s entire body weight of 134 pounds gets pulled out of a chair by one’s hair and dragged across the floor then welts form on one’s scalp and the neck muscles spasm for about 24 to 48 hours afterwards because the entire body was been yanked back and forth by the hair.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: when one’s kicked like a dog three times in-a-row then there’s possibility to kick one of the kidneys and then the next 24 hours makes sitting nearly impossible and incredibly difficult to eat or urinate anything well enough.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: when one’s kicked like a dog three times in-a-row then one’s tail bone is apt to spasm for about 24 to 48 hours later.

Yes, I’ve had plenty of experience with physical violence abuse therefore I know exactly what I’m talking about because there’s no reason to lie about how much one’s body hurts the day after physical violence abuse is committed against one’s will.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: by the time anyone’s choked the neck area and one’s been held against one’s will from behind then one can’t breathe properly thus the under chin and the neck get swollen and hurt for 24 hours later.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: one ends up feeling quite tender week-after-week for about six months.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: having to cover up for the perpetrator.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: physical violence abuse is meant to be quite secretive thus and therefore I write about it since I don’t have anything to lie about or anything to cover up since the moral of life has been explained to me; “‘You’re a woman of color and no matter where you go, you’ll always have to contend with physical violence abuse.’”

Really? I don’t want to believe this to be the ultimate truth.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: one feels as though one has the flue like symptoms on a constant basis since the body doesn’t heal as quickly as the mind or heart or spirit or soul does heal themselves.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: no one finds good enough words to say: “‘I need to walk away, rather than clear the floor with your face.’”

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: physical violence abuse comes with being called “ugly,” a “nigger,” a “cunt,” a “whore,” a “bitch” and “slut” and a “wetback.”

Personally, I’d rather get a beating in silence than also be called derogatory names mentioned above.

Personally, I think I’m worth a hell of a lot more than any type of physical violence abuse because by the time the physical violence abuse becomes a weekly occurrence than all I can do is have my body go limp and take the beatings and shut up yet physical violence abuse makes a bitter and sour woman out of me especially the day after a severe beating then I don’t want to frequent any particular breakfast joint because I don’t want to be placed in uncomfortable settings since the day before I wiped the floors clean with my face.

Personally, I’m quite well acquainted with carpets, rugs, wood floors and tiling.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: if the perpetrator gets injured then one must stop and take care of the injured perpetrator(s) even though one’s been kicked three times, dragged across the floor by one’s hair and choked to near point of passing out.

Personally, I don’t like to get choked because getting choked feels like being held under water against one’s will.

Personally, I don’t like to stop and nurse any physical violence perpetrator simply because by the time someone’s beaten the life out of another person then one’s conceded to the beating and given up all power and all consent to the beating still yet one must make a quick turnaround recovery to heal the party who commits the physical violence abuse.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: the sheer mockery.

Hahaha. I’m also laughing at the hideousness of physical violence abuse since such physical violence abuse is uncontrollable impulse and instant gratification.

“Beating-the-life” out of another person must be quite “freeing” to show absolute brute force and absolute control over another human.

Personally, I’ve begun to let go of all control and take the beatings and afterwards I’ve begun to say, “‘the physical abuse was my fault’” simply to stop the incessant talking about the physical violence abuse and to stop reliving the physical violence abuse.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: the lack of respect.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: how quickly the physical violence gets perpetrated still yet for the abused body the healing time takes a great deal of time to heal.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: after five months of getting over planters fasciitis and re-training for Grandma’s Marathon 2020 then with physical violence abuse one acquires more injuries than from training and running alone for a marathon.

The life of any writer is to tell the best story possible without embellishing or telling half truths or stretching the truth.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: There’s no one to talk to about physical violence abuse without pity or anger or mockery therefore there’s no point to talk about physical violence abuse other than to endure physical violence abuse.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: whenever anyone gets kicked three times in-a-row and called “worthless” then as an intellectual one doesn’t actually internalize such malarkey and feels badly about it actually one learns to be quite quiet and not move a single muscle for fear such any subtle movements will be misconstrued.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: the day afterwards one isn’t allowed or able to bring up the resentment, anger and fear one has so as not to frustrate or make the perpetrator angry then possibly get served another beating.

The trouble with physical abuse is this: getting kicked is not something one does to one’s dog therefore when one’s kicked the first time then one’s surprised to have been kicked ever, however.

By the time one gets kicked a second in-a-row then one knows this is with mal intent to do harm.

By the time one gets kicked a third time in-a-row then one knows this is done for the satisfaction of the perpetrator since one’s already on the floor holding one’s cerebrum in hopes not to get kicked in the head and hopefully only one kidney or the tailbone have to take the brunt of the sheer force coming at one’s kidney or one’s tailbone.

By the time one’s being held from behind and choked with the brute force of suffocation then all one can do is whisper, “ ‘You’re hurting me,” in hopes for mercy since not much other than a whisper can be mustered.

By the time one’s getting a beaten, time seems as though time has altered all reality and one simply gets through the physical violence abuse as quickly as one can muster up courage.

By the time one has endured a good three hard kicks to the lowed back like a dog then all one wants is respect and consideration afterwards especially the day after, however.

However, to no avail, no perpetrator ever wishes or likes to ask the abused how the abused feels since the perpetrator really doesn’t want to truly hear or listen or acknowledge how hurt and in great physical pain the abused is the day after.

Why do I take physical violence abuse?

Personally, I take physical violence abuse because...

Yes, I have my reasons.

Yes, I’m way cooler and way better than physical violence abuse.

Yes, I have to stop and take time in bathrooms and quiet rooms and places to stop and cry and get the abuse and the poison out of my body because physical violence abuse feels exactly like being poisoned.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: the day after one’s been kicked three times in a row on the tailbone and the kidneys is then one doesn’t or isn’t able to go to the bathroom quite well without the kidneys hurting like hell.

The trouble with physical violence abuse is this: one has to pretend as though nothing’s happened and act quite natural even though one’s forced to go to a breakfast joint one doesn’t want to go to simply because eating’s unbearable the day after a beating therefore one desires to go where one wants to go without having to deal with immature and snobby or arrogant bussers, wait staff or kitchen staff or managers since every time one were to move then one’s kidney continually reminds one of what has occurred and how the physical violence abuse has manifested on the internally bruised tailbone.

Getting kicked in the kidneys is more or less the same as bruising a rib since one doesn’t or isn’t able to take one complete deep breath since the kidney burns in pain.

Personally, after anybody has kicked me three times and dragged me by the hair then I begin to wail like a small child because the physical violence abuse has left me demoralized and in deep shock,

Now, the reason why I must learn to stay quiet after any physical violence abuse is because perpetrators get even more enraged when one cries and screams out like a hurt and injured child therefore I must learn to take physical violence abuse quietly since no one believes I get physically violently abused on a weekly basis.

Personally, I care, however, not enough to do anything about the physical violence abuse since well, who cares? Nobody does and neither do I.

Yes, I know my worth and I’ve learned one isn’t ever to disagree otherwise physical violence abuse is only around the corner waiting to bare its ugly knuckles.

By the time one’s getting beaten then all one does is one’s best not to hit one’s head upon any furniture or the walls or the floor while one’s being dragged by one’s hair or dragged by a foot off of furniture.

Yes, I’m at a loss for positive conflict resolution other than to be quite quiet and still.

Physical violence abuse is like surviving the jungle and hoping no one ever notices you too much to give take your life with a snake bite or killer bees or deadly poisonous frogs. Sigh.

Plus, no one ever cares about physical violence abuse therefore why should I care also? I don’t. Why? There’s no point in caring about abuse when all one does is to guard from abuse.

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Monday, May 20, 2019

“.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

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~~~

Need I say More?

No.

~~~

Well, Happiness is a state of mind.

“Anger management” says to smile

Even or especially when one’s aggravated

Or irritated with general disrespect and misconduct

For one’s overall time and energy

As a monogamous heterosexual girlfriend.

Petty jealousy isn’t about control.

Au contraire.

Petty jealousy is about

feelings of inadequacy.

Period.

For six months,

Personally I allowed for myself to

Feel inadequate because I’m 42

And 18 year old strippers

Who directly call up my boyfriend to hang out

Aren’t like other women

Since strippers are strippers

And 18 year old female drug dealers

Who directly call up my boyfriend to hang out

Aren’t like other women

And 18 year old prostitutes

Who directly call up my boyfriend to hang out

Aren’t like other women

Since prostitutes are prostitutes

And alcoholic bar depressives

are alcoholic bar depressives

and freaks are freaks

and not fully cerebrally developed

is not fully cerebrally developed

and mentally ill is mentally ill

and creeps are creeps.

“Welcome, to the freak show.”

Now, I get it.

Wow, can anyone believe

A smart, kind and intelligent

Woman such as myself

Allowed myself to feel inadequate

In comparison to

18 year old strippers,

18 year old prostitutes

Or 18 year old female drug dealers?

Personally, I don’t need attention on me,

However and nonetheless

When any dining partner’s

Eyes constantly dart away

To any other one particular

Woman while she enters and exists

The room then there’s nothing more to be said

Personally, my eyes are

Not to ever look at another man

Much less look up and down

at any particular male stranger

Or get fixated on

Any particular male stranger’s presence

Much less get fixated on the

Derriere of any male stranger

While any male stranger

Enters and moves-about in any space.

Fair enough.

Personally, I’m not to ever look sideways

Or look back at any male stranger

who would dare cut right in front of me

and walk right in front of me

and give me a flirting smile since

most food service industry workers

usually allow for the guest-couples

to walk through first rather

than cut off any couple

walking-in and give the

boyfriend a flirting smile

yet completely ignore the girlfriend

then go wipe dirty tables.

Fair enough.

No, I’m not ever to give sideway glances much

Less look back at any male stranger who’s smiled at me.

Fair enough.

Yes, I’ve decided to get happy for myself.

Yes, I’ve decided to mature for myself.

Yes, I’ve decided to become a better woman for myself.

As a whole person

In general I’m a warm hearted person.

As a person

In general personally I’m not broken

Since I’m not a piece of pottery

Yes, I know exactly my worth.

Yes, once I was informed exactly how

Much each woman’s worth in

Dollar value's worth.

Yes, I’ve been quoted my worth.

Yes, for one second I had emotions

Of petty jealousy;

Primarily because

Most monogamous heterosexual

Girlfriends aren’t ever asked to

Share their time with

18 year old drunken drug dealers,

18 year old drunken prostitutes

Or 18 years old drunken strippers

Once I figured out

What truly bothered me:

about my misguided and misperceived

worthlessness as a regular woman

who’s not ever going to compete

with professional 18 year old strippers or

18 year old prostitutes

Is, I actually thought I had to compete

And I don’t

Since I already won.

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Cheers.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

“When trouble comes into the world, Israel feels it first: when good comes, Israel feels it first, too.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

Terse (concise, free of superfluous words, brief)

A terse report was submitted to the proper authorities.

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~~~

Singing Lessons

Teaching myself to sing well

~~~

Personally, I’m trying to make sense of being

Out in public and having people

Constantly come up and say something trite

About our bodily hygiene or our looks or our style.

As of right now

I’ve been informed

The reason why people approach us

As a couple

Is because

Other people are envious of us.

Okay.

Well, infamy stinks.

Infamy comes with a lot of creepy attention

And no money

Or no royalties

Simply, people who want to rub against us.

Personally, I’ve been informed to be

Comfortable with mild flirtations from strange women

And to be confident whenever

My boyfriend sexually checks out other women

And if any women sexually check out my boyfriend

Then to go and plant a large wet French kiss on my boyfriend.

Okay.

What a tall order.

The list gets more convoluted to me.

Yes, I’m to stay at home and do the dishes

and take care of geriatrics

Yeah, I’m sad I have to put up and shut up

Otherwise no one’s happy since I must

Endure sexual advances and mild flirtations

And sit back and listen to one specific party

Complain in drunken haste

about how much he hates all the “losers.”

Okay.

This is most definitely a freak show.

~~~

Either one plays an instrument well

Or one doesn’t play an instrument well

Either one must privately practice

One hour per day

Or one only plays when one’s

Drunk and under the influence of marijuana

When one plays any instrument

While drunk on one bottle of wine per night

And under the influence of marijuana

Then playing any instrument

Becomes more like

Public exhibitionism

Rather than “spiritual”

Personally, I’ve been taught

Spirituality is experienced solo

Sober

At home

In prayer

Or in quiet meditation

Because

Getting drunk and high with

People under who are 18, 19, 20

Is still considered illegal

And one can go to jail.

Personally, I don’t believe I’ll ever be

Drunk or high on marijuana while

Singing on stage

Since I’m coming in with precision excellence

Simply, I only need one year to ‘nail this down’

Since the only

Person I sing along with is

Whitney Houston’s National Anthem

And I’m able to mostly

To correctly hit all of her notes

Therefore my voice can’t be all that shabby

As of now, I’m studying pitch and tone and

Drum base and position of lips, jaw and tongue

Singing is all about jaw and lip placement

The only song I’ve ever wished

To sing well enough to

Is the National Anthem

Since the National Anthem

Is one of the most difficult

Pieces of music to sing

Yes, I now know what it’s like

To have my arms yanked backwards

And have a backpack with a drum inside

Ripped from my arms

Wow. I get it.

The pain lingers into today.

No, I’m not literally a hater.

No, I’m not ‘literally’ bitter.

No, I’m not literally jealous.

Yes, as of right now, I’ve done anger management

Therefore I’m dealing with overcoming

Feelings of petty jealousy

Since ‘everybody’ wants a piece of my boyfriend

Then I must simply smile through it

And I don’t quite know how to fake a smile

While I deal with petty jealousy

Since I’m not ever able

To go out with my boyfriend

Who’s infamous in this small city

Amongst drunk and high

18 year olds and infamous amongst

Drunk and high college students

And infamous amongst

Drunk bar depressives

Hmm, I get it. I get the picture quite clearly.

Now, the rules and regulations are thus:

No, I’m not allowed to join any Jewish Chess clubs

No, I’m not allowed to go for walks by myself.

No, I’m not allowed to look at anyone

Except the ceilings and floors and objects.

No, I’m not allowed to talk to any man.

No, I’m not allowed to go anywhere.

~~~

The Rules, Laws and Regulations:

The only place I’m allowed to be at is home:

Therefore I’m taking

Online singing and drumming lessons

Because recently I’ve been told

“You have the stage presence of a rock star.”

Yes, I’m simply tired of the disrespect and disregard

To only be granted one ultimatum

Which is to hang out with drunken 18-year olds

Or drunken bar depressives

Or stay home

Thus and therefore I choose to stay home

Yet I’m quickly making a proper rock star out of myself

Because I don’t ever want to embarrass myself on stage.

Seriously, I’m not looking for accolades or awards or

Pets on the head from strangers

Because singing and playing any

Instrument well is

High art

As well as

Precise science

And mathematics

Yes, as of this moment, I stopped

Being grossed out

By every

Over sexualized woman in this town

Yes, I’ve developed a real

Presence and command

Of the microphone and the drums.

Yep.

The secret’s this:

Yes, I’ve been guaranteed fame

Before my run’s over

Thus and therefore I run away

From any type of attention since

Fame won’t come until my eighties

And even then

My vagina will be in great working order

Since women without menstruations

Think clearly and are more direct, astute and sexy

Than hormonal women

Women in their eighties know ‘where it’s at.’

Women in their eighties

Know all about sex

And sexuality

And sensuality

And seduction.

The greatest people to talk about

Petty jealousies

Or petty insecurities about

Bare breasted hippie women

Or over sexualized drunken flirting women, is:

To talk to women in their eighties

Who

Laugh out loud because

Such “floosies”

Don’t ever get married or

Chosen to run empires, estates and families.

Such floosies

Stay in barrooms

And down by river banks

For the rest of their lives

While you’re here with us.

Okay.

“The world wants to rip us apart.”

He said.

One only allows oneself to be bitter on the page.

Yes, I control my thoughts therefore my hormones.

Yes, ‘red heads’ are genetically considered

Forms of “mild retardation”

Oh, yes, I mean the direct word usage of “retarded.”

Yes, people with, too, much space between

Their big toe and the next toe in line

Are considered forms of “mild retardation

Yes, the misalignment of the eyeballs is also

Considered forms of “mild retardation”

Yes, my right eye’s smaller than my left.

Thank goodness.

Yes, I have a stigmatism on my left eye

Therefore when I get tired or drunk

Then I look like I have crossed eyes

However, my eyes are quite well and pristine

With bad eyesight, Oh, well

Prescription eyeglasses

Yes, the more perfect peoples’ eyes align

Then the more beautiful

Such people look from a distance,

However, close-up

The persons look distorted

Yes, the more imperfections any person has

Then the sexier they get because

This means people have lived.

Now, nobody ever wants scars or acne

Or blemishes or anything,

However, if this were to happen

Along the road of life

Then please be

Confident people are at their best

When they age like a fine wine.

People aren’t at their best when they’re young

Because young people smell like perfumed hamburger meat.

Most Americans eat such a horrendous

Daily nutritional intake

Therefore

No matter how many sweet perfumes

Young people wear,

Their food still seeps

Through their pores

And unto their clothes

Which usually the smell of young people is

Bad cafeteria food

Or cafeteria food in general

Or small confined dirty laundry dorm living.

Yes, over sexualized tendencies

Is considered “brain damage”

~~~

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Thursday, May 16, 2019

“The real slavery in Egypt was this: the Israelites learned to endure it.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

Translucent (Letting light pass but diffusing it so that objects on the other side cannot be distinguished; partially transparent)

The translucent paneling showed there were people in the next room though we did not know who.

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Notes from One Woman of Color: Flirting is for people who must make usage of their genitalia rather than their brains or intellect.

Well, touché.

Oh, finally last night at 10:30pm CT I understood why local men look around in public at many different women.

Last night, I found two local Saint Paul, MN pornography websites for which one’s hypothetically able to masturbate remotely (internet technology) alongside or with local area college sex worker women for which must make real life quite exciting to look about and possibly recognize local online pornography college women sex workers.

Yes, in my mid-thirties I was directly informed local Minnesota men have mostly all been with either Mexican or Amsterdam prostitutes therefore after the age of thirty most men have and do admit to annual rendezvous with foreign prostitutes.

Well, well, well. I’m not able to compete against the past.

Oh, I get it.

Definitely, it’s not me.

It’s another.

Well, since I’m not paranoid then let’s move on.

Next.

~~~

What I know

As of last night:

I was informed:

I’m chosen to be here

And to stay here

And to be the leader.

Okay.

All I have to do is smile

Through infamy and a

“Freak show”

Of strangers

Constantly needing

Over sexualized attention.

Yes, I’ve been informed of the

“Freak show.”

Thank you.

What does

One do

When one has children

And a quasi fanfare

Calls up at 12:30am?

If one has a fanfare then does one get paid?

Today, ‘everything’ came together for me

Even though I’ve been

Stood up

Four times

In two-weeks

And on my birthday night

Abandoned,

And left behind

In a public park

With hippies

And I’ve been

Having solo

Moon watching sessions.

Gracefully, I’ve made it through

The best I could even though

Three times

In public I’ve allowed

For my temper

To get the better of me,

Wasted time and

Waste energy

While

Stranger women

Literally

Show their underwear

And flirt and stop us

Everywhere

We go

To interject themselves

Into our outings or errands or dates.

Is a bearded man

Allowed to be a family man

Without an occult freak show following?

For which what

Really eats away like acid

Is the lack of respect

In being stood up

My birthday night

For the company

Of complete strangers at a river

Still yet I’m genuinely smiling

For the first time

In months

And I feel

Great

Today

Even though

The last six months

Have been test

After

Test

To see

If I pass muster

Even though I’m the real deal.

Look, I’m overcoming obstacles and challenges and adversity.

Look: Professionally, for fifteen years, I was a cinematographer and was previously trained by Ph.D. professors from NYU and other reputable East Coast private colleges and universities.

Look: Yes, I’ve got ‘eyes on the back of my head.’ I assistant taught fourth and fifth grade mathematics and Spanish for AmeriCorps in 2001-2002 for a meager four thousand dollars.

Yes, I, too, can look at any woman like a piece of meat and its worse when I do it since it’s specifically demeaning in nature.

Give me any inappropriate reason to look at any woman like a piece of meat and I will. Why not?

When any woman cares to be demeaned then by all means, let’s go at it, plus allow me to get in a laughter then game over because by the time I let out laughter then it’s sheer mockery of the entire disconnected system of women haters.

No, I’m not any type of hater.

Yes, I’m sober, mature, strict and serious. Yep.

Yes, I’m more like a Greek Grandfather than an urban modern woman.

Look: Personally, three times in public I’ve allow my temper (with usage of words) to get the better of me due to a lack of deep and profound respect for my person as a woman in a committed monogamous heterosexual relationship since the over sexualized nuance and overt and subvert body language and lonely longing looks of stranger school girls and flirtations and fixations and ‘bedroom eyes’ of stranger college women and any other strangers on the streets with low self-esteem is a constant “freak show” over facial body hair and any beard. What gives?

Really, every single man with a beard must get stopped and admired ten times per hour while such men are out with their sweetheart’s and women and families? How trite. How boring. Not great.

Really, young, needy and weak and feeble minded stranger women grant themselves the permission to constantly be inappropriate and stop any men strangers on the streets with any beard and admire the facial hair or admire the men’s style and/or look of the men’s clothes even though the men’s women stand right there or not with him at all? Au contraire.

In poor choice and poor taste.

How low do women stoop to be noticed each any place women go? I don’t know.

Midwestern women seem empty and hollow and shallow and lonely and in constant need to be admired by anyone who so much’s willing to look in their direction.

A college town is like any other.

Lots of young and impressionable faces who desire to be looked at and noticed, however, there’re many for which all look the same.

Usually, I don’t truly recognize the facial looks of young women since most young women all look like little boys with slight curves therefore I don’t care to look, however.

Hahaha.

Yep. However, as of late I’m quite so very interested in what another’s “line of vision’s” checking out in public and finally I figured it out.

Well, one, waistlines.

Two, lips.

Three, breasts.

Really, ‘everywhere’ we go we must stop and look at waistlines, lips and breasts then it’s not any type of a date or running errands together it’s simply inappropriate misconduct or inappropriate misbehavior.

However, as of last night, finally, I understood why local college age women sex workers are a fixation for family men or professional working men since the sex workers aren’t a fantasy and the local sex workers are here in our very own colleges, churches and other major commercial institutions.

Now, to be over sexualized by definition is considered “brain damage.”

~~~

No, I don’t think with my vagina

No, I don’t flirt with anyone. Nope. No.

No, I’m not ever flirted with unless the person is quite direct and mature and gives mutual consent and says, “Gabriel, would it be alright if I flirt with you?”

“Go ahead,” I’ve said, in the past, however. “I’m a writer and nothing much gets by me. If you so much as flinch the wrong way during your deliverance then I’ll know nearly anything I need to know about your psychology therefore you better make it good because I’m not any kind of idiot or stupid. Go ahead, give it your best shot.” I’ve said with a warm smile and bright and caring and beautiful open peaceful face for which says, don’t I look like the sister of the Earth?

Usually, men have said, “‘I’m sorry, you’re not a woman to flirt with, you’re a woman to marry.’”

Ah, yeah.

Thus and therefore: Are there no sacred communities of Americans who acknowledge the sacredness and the spirituality of two people being a couple or in a sacred union?

Most mature adult people say, “‘You stood up a good woman on her birthday night, then you better pack up your belongings and go on home and face her truth because no good man ever abandons his date on her birthday night.’”

Why is it when any monogamous heterosexual couples-up then strangers and lonely or pathetic or weak minded or over-sexualized brain damaged strangers and other people want to taunt or destroy or bad mouth or gossip or overly criticize or push buttons or imply negative characteristics of one person in the relationship?

Why does an entire world of strangers pretend to date one of the people in the monogamous heterosexual relationship?

‘Everybody’ from strangers or sex workers have a need to speak to the one man in any monogamous heterosexual relationship as though he’s their boyfriend? Oh, my. What a bunch of creeps.

Why?

What’s the point?

What a waste of energy to constantly sexually check out any bearded man like a piece of meat rather than a human being.

The question is: why does one’s boyfriend have to be treated like everybody pretends one’s boyfriend is also their boyfriend when daily in the bedroom the only two people involved is a private intimate couple?

An entire local world of strangers and people want to date one man for which the man’s IQ’s still appropriately being assessed.

Well, standing up any woman in any monogamous heterosexual relationship with the excuse to get drunk and high on marijuana to play music with strangers in parks is in many ways a way to fulfill some deep need for which one doesn’t fulfill with family or work or lifestyle or living or playing together then one chooses to like the company of strangers over a home lifestyle while one gets drunk and high amongst strangers.

What eats away at me like acid is constant disrespect since there’s cleaning of toilets, taking out the recycling and trash, the hiring process, the cleanup of the after floods of one basement apartment then with the same token be stood up four times, two weeks in-a-row and on my birthday dinner as well as left behind in a public park amongst hippies which is my greatest nightmare come true and I handled it with grace and more grace.

To flirt with strangers in the street is a Midwest thing:

No one real or mature ever flirts with strangers in any metropolis especially not people in public and on the streets and public places.

Well, usually men approach women rather than women approach men.

~~~

Stood Up Again

Dating Men with Beards

Well, being ‘stood up’ by definition means to wait for more than an hour at a particular place and time for one’s romantic intimate other to show up hopefully by the time the local nightly weather news is over otherwise the workdays are long and tedious and slow technology as well as family dinners and hardly not any time to ever play together as a couple other than get ready for bed and fall asleep which is quite boring thus and alas romantic dates are between couples and not couples and the rest of the world.

Well, Minneapolis, MN and Saint Paul, MN; for any women in any dedicated monogamous heterosexual relationships, does then dating men with beards means being stopped ten times per hour to comment on the personal hygiene and personal grooming of any strangers’ beards? Ah, no. Yikes.

Well, when men wear beards then does this mean then an entire world of men strangers and women strangers then grant themselves the liberty to stop families from eating dinners, stop coffee breaks, stop walks and stop strolls down the street and stop sitting at parks and stopped at any other public peaceful areas to be noticed and have attention paid to strangers? Ah, no. Yikes.

The reason the Minnesotans and the rest of the Midwest creep out both Oceanic Coasts is because well, the Minnesotans require a great deal of brain damage over sexualized attention from strangers.

The expression: “To see and be seen,” doesn’t mean to be talked at by strangers or to talk to strangers. No.

Well, I’ve been informed by the matriarchal powers for which to be: to smile and don’t worry about anything. Okay.

Seriously, I’ve been asked to stay a long while and smile through strangers’ infatuations and weirdness and comments and boring flirtations of constantly overdoing the art of seduction for which I don’t personally live by any art of seduction as a natural woman of color and as a modern cool urban woman who skateboards to our offices.

Personally, I don’t carry around any keys or keep any passwords since I don’t care. I’m, too, tired and, too, busy to care how much money anybody has in their bank accounts because I think I have twenty-five dollars to my name, if that and I’m told to not worry about anything since I’ve been chosen to be here. Okay. Thank you.

Personally, no, I’m not from New York City which makes me as cool as if I were from New York City since I don’t ever pose or front or pretend as though I’m from New York City.

Look: I spent eight summers of my life living on our boat on the Manhattan Marina.

Look: Personally, I’m not able to do accents for anything therefore my ‘party trick’ is to assimilate accents to the best of my ability however horribly as well as my other incredible ‘party trick’ is usually I can guess within 50 mile global radius as to anywhere any person either grew up or lived within the recent ten years or all or any of the above or none which is funnier to watch me guess and get so close to the region yet “second guess” myself and say something completely wrong. I laugh each time. I do. Yes, I do laugh at myself.

Look: Personally, I’m not somebody who’s any type of “gold digger” since toilets don’t wash themselves and vases don’t dust themselves and floors don’t sweep and mop themselves and cobwebs don’t get swept by themselves and windows don’t get washed by themselves and the grass doesn’t get cut by itself and 200 pound branches don’t get moved off the boulevard in the rain by themselves and beds don’t daily make themselves and wash or laundry doesn’t fold itself and carpeted floors don’t vacuum themselves for which one does to the best of one’s ability and as quickly as possible without harming oneself or any items or otherwise alas.

Hahaha.

1883 word usage doesn’t get spoken in contemporary modern English thus henceforth whence such any outdated language were to hypothetically leave one’s mouth then one realizes how hardcore one stuck one’s foot in one’s mouth and alas…yep.

Look: Modern word usage is usually quite remarkably important otherwise word usage gets eradicated or obsolete or lost in time to the pages of books which pages of books is where old dusty English belongs.

Now, one doesn’t ever speak as the Queen her majesty does since Americans are rebels about modern contemporary word usage and we’d not ever rather repeat any type of monarchy here in America.

Now, the American Revolution’s long over by a long shot therefore alas is really a pompous way to show one doesn’t know anything about literature. No good.

Pretense isn’t the same as the real thing.

One must know exactly and how to make appropriate word usage otherwise the obvious is ignorance.

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Saturday, May 11, 2019

“Community is too heavy for any man to carry alone.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

Visage: (the face, with reference to the form and proportions of the features or the expression; countenance; appearance; aspect)

As a child I feared nothing so much as the stern visage of my father when he was about to lecture me.

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~~~

The more sexually

and spiritually deprived

women are

Then the uglier women get.

“Please, stop calling me “insane”

because I had to call in

professional plumbing services

since the sump pump valve was broken.”

I said.

Please, unprofessional

working vaginas,

Get in line

Since nearly each working vagina

Wants to pry open this man and woman.

Yes, I’ve been asked to be here.

Yes, with a glad heart I’m here.

Yes, I hate to clean.

Oh, well.

Yes, I write every day.

Yes, I must hire new people.

This week.

No, personally, I,

don’t want to be flirted with

Otherwise twice

I’ve had my teeth

threatened to be broken.

“Yes, you’re correct.

I shouldn’t push you forward

to look back

and check out

other women

because

they’re ugly,

anyway.

You’re so astute and smart.

You notice ‘everything’

which tells me

a lot about how smart

you really are.

What could I do

She was giggling at me

And looking directly at me

She got me.

If you did that,

Then there would be,

Hell to pay.

I’m a dog.

What can I say?”

He said.

“Nothing,” He, and, I,

Both said

at the same time.

(Jinx.)

“Please, don’t speak about women

in such any negative manner.”

I said.

“Plus, only women

Comment about the attire

Of other women,

One doesn’t ever point out

any ‘flower belt’

on another woman

Much less

if the belt isn’t

Wrapped tightly about

one’s girlfriend’s waist,

Otherwise

please

wait

Until we get home,

walk through

the front door

and take a moment

to breathe

then

you’d care to comment about

what we saw

and what we did

then we can

and we will.

Otherwise,

‘everywhere’ we go

Must I hear and listen about

the attire of other women,

Since I have my own

Impeccable acquired

Style and taste.

I’m right here.

I see.

I hear.

I notice.

I’m aware.

How one reacts

to how stranger women flirt

with stranger men says a lot

about the man’s

strength of character.”

I said.

Silence.

Exactly.

More silence.

Thank you.

“In public,

do we always have to stop

Our adventures

and entertain

Each and every

Sad

and

lonely

and

pathetic

and

sexually desperate

derelict around?”

I asked.

“Since the freak show’s

constantly commenting

about our personal attire

or personal hygiene

or the freak show

constantly requires

inappropriate attention

then please allow me

to look

at the

freak show

while psychologically I deconstruct

the IQ

and maturity

and wisdom

and professionalism

of each and every worker about

who

fiction (imaginary)

Caucasian “Repunzle”

Inappropriately

must take down

her long beautiful hair

right after her waitressing shift

and stand

on the restaurant floor

right next to us

to specifically

be looked at

even though

she smells of chili sauce.

Let’s go.”

Yep.

I said.

This week Tuesday for the first time in my existence I was blatantly pushed forward in a Target dairy isle to have a man purposely turn back and check-out two Caucasian women for which later he went-on at great-length and in-great-detail (for which he was correct) to tell me exactly how ugly the two “book ends” for sisterly looking women looked-a-like. (Oh, I’m laughing, too, hard for words.)

“I’m a dog.” He said.

Personally, twice in one week, I’ve already been informed if I were to ever to look back and check-out any other man then my teeth will be punched in. Loud and clear. Message received.

On Thursday for the second time in my existence I was pushed forward on the sidewalk coming out of our front offices to have a man purposely turn back and check-out two Caucasian women in white shorts for which later he went-on at great-length and in-great-detail (for which he was correct) to tell me exactly how ugly the two sisterly looking women looked-a-like in the face. (Oh, I’m laughing, too, hard for words.)

On Thursday afternoon over the phone I was called “insane” for calling in a plumber to fix the broken sump pump valve for which once again flooded the basement and there’s only a three year manufacturer warranty.

Personally, twice in one week, I’ve already been informed if I were to ever to look back and check-out any other man then my teeth will be punched in. Loud and clear. Message received.

On Friday I was called “insane” and I was also quasi fired and told to get out for simply lifting and carrying five dressers up two flights of steps to get the dressers out of soiled and flooded and moist and wet and mildew carpet.

No, no one asked me to carry anything anywhere, however, I’ve been asked here to have cart blanche to fix anything for which I see requires and needs fixing.

Please, I don’t appreciate being called “insane” on a weekly basis because I directly ask to please not have to stop and entertain each and every sexually deprived freak or to please not call me “insane” for having to call in professional plumbing company to fix a sump pump for which I wasn’t able to.

Please, if I ask to go for a walk on my lunch break then please don’t call me up yelling and tell me I’m going to go and cheat while I’m on my one-hour lunch break taking a breather from either office mildew or home mildew. Thank you.

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

“.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

Vocabulary Word:

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~~~

Bad attitude in life’s one thing

Bad attitude at work’s another thing

Well, in general in one’s own personal life if one were to hypothetically decide to have a bad attitude about life then for the most part, the responsibility lays upon the individual to be content with one’s own bad attitude.

As for one’s own ownership of one’s own mind, body and soul, well, for the most part then most people own themselves and not even their parents or spouse or children can or ought to lay claim of another’s mind, body and soul.

Bad attitude at work ought to be punishable by law. (Just kidding.)

Now, bad attitude at work’s low IQ.

Now, bad attitude at work’s definitely in bad form.

Now, bad attitude at work’s unprofessional.

Now, bad attitude at work’s simply a missed opportunity to learn, grow and develop.

Now, bad attitude at work’s any matter of choice.

Now, bad attitude’s terrible to contend with simply because what else can anyone do for anyone with bad attitude, well, there isn’t much one can do with the malcontent of another person.

Okay, now, listen well, otherwise, anyone can get this narrative wrong or downright confuse themselves.

As far as, I’m personally concerned I’m okay with being and living to be an old age as a crabby and cantankerous and bitter old woman, however. I’ve been asked to be of cheer and happy and smiling therefore I will, however. I’m not to change for myself since I’m comfortable in my bitterness and malcontent of the world.

Personally, I love to be crabby and downright malcontent with a world like a toilet.

Personally, I love to be crabby and downright malcontent with a racist and gender bias world.

Truly, why get happy when being crabby is “no skin off my back” since my world’s a world of hatred, racism and verbal abuse and physical violence here in Minnesota.

Truly, no one ever wants to be a role model therefore for the rest of us who are laypeople and no one important then for the majority of us who don’t set out to save or flirt with the world then we don’t feel responsible to get an attitude adjustment since as women of color we know the world’s one big toilet.

Seriously, I mean, I dislike prejudice with the literary (writing) hatred and passion of devils since most racist Minnesotans are also devils.

Personally and recently aristocrats explained to me about how Caucasian people are ten times cruel than people of color.

Personally and recently aristocrats explained to me about how Caucasian people are ten times cruel than people of color since Caucasians don’t know about the struggle much less have to go through a struggle of their own such as people of color must go through their struggles even though no one cuts people of color a break and for the most part the stereotype of people of color is we’re either lazy and/or not as smart as Caucasians.

Yours Truly;

Gabriel

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

“Some men can’t even spare a sigh.”

(Leo Rosten’s Treasury of Jewish Quotations)

Haggard (having a wild, wasted, worn look; gaunt, drawn)

The smooth features of his youth had turned to the haggard face of a worn-out old man. (Literally, this is what this vocabulary word card states.)

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~~~

Presently

Yes, the 51% majority shareholders know

The Boycott Against Swear words

The VFW

Okay, Iowa National Guard, I’m green at phone sales

~~~

Now

No, I’m not into hurting myself or others.

No, I’m not here to poison anyone since

A month ago (04/08/19) I lived

through E-coli poisoning

And, I thought I was going to die.

The pathogens got into my spine

and all I could do was to spasm

through a week of torture

until I could get up enough money

to pay out of pocket expenses

before the poison killed me.

E-coli poison is seriously deadly.

~~~

Not Now

No, I’m not literally (factually) old.

No, I’m not literally (actually) any type of savage.

Yes, supposedly I’m old and a dried out piece of meat.

Yes, in literary (writing) terms I’m a savage.

No, I’m not literally (actually) any type of “savage.”

No, I’m not a beggar.

Yes, I’ve been cleaning toilets all my life.

Yes, I’m owed pastries.

Yes, I’ve also been writing all my life.

Wonderful.

No, I’m not ‘literally’ old.

Yes, I’ve been told I still look like I’m 15.

Thank you.

Yes, through eight years of tumors

Still I kept my youthful appearance.

~~~

Fifteen Year Old Vital Signs

Actually, at 135 pounds, I’m in great shape.

My oxygen levels are 98%

(better than none smokers)

Yes, my blood pressures

78/48

At this rate, I’ll live

to be 120 years of life without a wrinkle.

Seriously, low blood pressure

allows for one to grow older while looking great

Yes, I can lift up to 300 pounds.

Yes, I can easily run six miles.

Yes, I can run while smoking cigarettes.

Actually, the cigarette smoking seems to open up the lungs.

Yes, I sleep like a baby.

Yes, no matter how much I’ve sworn or yelled

my way across the world

Still yet my conscience is clean

therefore I sleep soundly and undisturbed

~~~

The Past

No, my body’s no longer fake-pregnant.

Yes, my body went fake pregnant for 8 years.

Yes, I vaginally bled for 8 years.

Yes, I sacrificed my body

for the slight sliver of hope to be able to have children

No, I haven’t ever wanted to birth children,

however, I’ve always wanted to raise children

No, I haven’t ever wanted to be pregnant.

Yes, birth destroys the vagina.

Yes, pregnancy destroys the body.

Yes, hormones are difficult to contend with.

~~~

Thyroid Tumors

No, I’m not emotionally unhinged.

Seriously, emotionally unhinged is

Continual creepy misbehavior,

manipulation and gossiping bullies

who’d literally love to slap around other people

Simply, as a woman of color I deal

with a lot of physical threats

and/or physical violence

therefore I choose to be one angry bitch

via swear words and yelling since

nobody cares about the

time or energy of women of color

rather Minnesotans

spend their lives away in gossip,

character assassination and physical threats

Yes, simply I’m one human

living with thyroid tumors

for which my throat’s inflamed and sore and in pain
each and every single day

of my life since October 2013

Yes, tumors seem to affect hormone balance.

No, I’m not randomly angry.

Simply, I don’t want to hear men

speak about the “large asses” of white women musicians

Personally, I get turned off to have to listen to men

Describe the features and bodies of any human

Women can say other women are “cute,”

However, no man has the permission

to agree or talk about the “large asses”

of white women musicians. Nope.

Personally, I get irritable with the continuous

obnoxious misbehavior of immature men.

~~~

Leadership or Not

One doesn’t ever ‘double book’ on any romantic date.

One doesn’t ever leave one’s date stranded amongst hippies.

One doesn’t ever accuse one’s romantic date

of ‘bedroom eyes’ when any woman

is ever singled out in a bar patio and spoken to.

Personally, I don’t go out of my way to talk to strangers.

One of the creepiest things to socially do

is to interact for the sake of interaction.

No, I don’t go out of my way to interact with anyone

Unless we share a common experience

such as we have a specific purpose to interact

otherwise interaction comes across as

pathetic, lonely, sad and needy and who wants pathetic?

Nobody does pathetic on purpose.

Nobody does self-hate on purpose.

Nobody does self-loathing on purpose.

Nobody does gossip on purpose.

Nobody does needy on purpose.

~~~

Bitter is a Righteously awesome choice

Against male chauvinism

Anger is the correct and appropriate choice against

Male chauvinism

Chauvinism’s nearly dead

(Another fifty years)

Personally, I allow myself to be bitter since

bitter is the greatest middle finger

against any physical violence

or reoccurring verbal abuse

or reoccurring life threats

No, I’m not a cunt.

No, I’m not a whore.

No, I’m not a slut.

No, I’m not any type of liar.

No, I’m definitely not ugly.

As a matter of fact I’m not even pretty.

No, I’m not beautiful.

Actually, I’m gorgeous.

How do I know?

People tell me I look gorgeous.

Whatever.

This is the face and body

For which the Mayan gods gave me.

Ever since summer 2018,

people have begun to tell me they think me “gorgeous.”

No, I haven’t ever considered myself gorgeous

until recently since I’m tired of life threats

and physical violence

and verbal abuse

then I might as well consider myself

some type of awesome worth

since I’m actually some type of real power

because I do will immense amount

of self power and self will

Yes, I, for sure and most definitely am a bitch

Whenever I’m overly criticized,

or overworked

or told none stop bar stories

or asked permission to hang out with prostitutes,

strippers or drug dealers.

Ah, no.

Yes, if anybody lays aggressive hands upon me

Then at anytime I hold the right to call the cops.

However, I’m starting to think

Simply I’m going to have to allow

the hateful Minnesotans to literally kill me

since life threats seem to be

the flavor of Minnesota’s hospitality.

~~~

Yes, both of my Grandfathers were bitter men

Personally, I’m bitter about living

in Minnesota’s racist Babylon

Yes, as far as I understand the information: both of my grandfathers were in the Korean War.

The very reason as to why I’m a proud American and to do my very best no matter what a sailor’s mouth I have or no matter how bitter I allow myself to be or no matter how cantankerous or no matter how much I resent being publically humiliated, still I go about my days to the best of my abilities which are abundant in brains, health, smarts and kindness simply and only because both of my grandfathers were bitter, angry and dry alcoholics and mean “to the last drop” and also kind, wonderful and proud American men who fought bravely and made it safely back home to raise American families for which both of my grandfathers didn’t even seem to like much. Hahaha.

Life’s a cruel joke.

Why do I allow my gorgeous face to look bitter.

Well, bitter on a beautiful face is the greatest middle finger against the perpetual 1980’s American motto to always smile and be happy for the sake of others therefore no one feels badly, however, while Minnesotan Americans they seem to think they hold the right to quietly brutalize, bully or manipulate their way through the world.

Personally, I don’t like to be mocked then laughed at the same time otherwise I want to seriously disappear into the wilderness and build a log cabin and live as my 1680 Rockport, Massachusetts’ ancestors did the winter of 1690 in Cape Ann. Thank you.

Personally, I’m an INFJ and extremely introverted even though I’m also a social butterfly and enjoy none sexual conversations about anything other than being forced to speak to or listen to hippie women who go bare naked chest as any excuse to have one’s breasts be seen.

Whenever one breast feeds then usually one sits down and covers up the child and the breast area with a blanket.

Usually breast feeding is a private time between child and mother while the child is kept secure and comforted and fed and safe rather than flaunting naked breasts all over the place.

Personally, I don’t like to hang out at music festivals since drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll is all there’s to offer.

Personally, I don’t like to hang out amongst hippies since each and any time hippie women are around either such women are rich and stuck up or rich and overly sexual or poor stuck up or poor and overly sexual.

Why do hippie women must bare breasts?

Really? What’s the excuse.

Personally, I don’t like to hang out in bars since bar people are usually intoxicated and seem to think they can move any mountain with their minds and manipulate alcoholics’ way through the world which is nearly impossible to do when one can barely stand up straight or walk in a straight line.

Yes, I contend with a broken pinky toe for which will always be broken therefore I can get awkward whenever I literally trip over my own feet.

The art of war is left to battle fields.

The art of family is security and safety.

Yes, I’ve got a sailor’s mouth for which always counts against me although I’m constantly being asked to interact or work or live amongst physically violent Minnesotans or manipulators or more haters or alcoholics or hardcore drug users and/or hardcore drug addicts.

Yours Truly;

Gabriela

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